


The Crew Finds Out

by sparkly_butthole



Series: The Future Is Ours [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Dom John, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Revelations, Sub Kaidan Alenko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-23 16:45:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9666194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkly_butthole/pseuds/sparkly_butthole
Summary: A collection of ficlets where the crew of the Normandy discovers the new relationship between Kaidan Alenko and John Shepard. Set during Mass Effect 3. Ranges from fluff to smut and everywhere in between.I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.





	1. Joker

For the fourth time in two days, Joker notices the Commander and Major Alenko get into the elevator together. This time, they share a look that seems suspiciously… smoky. He shakes his head to get rid of the thought, but an hour later, sitting in the cockpit, he realizes it’s probably true. There have been signs for a while, little things here and there. Like the day he found them laughing hysterically in the mess hall at 0200, sitting awfully damn close to each other given the empty table. Or the day he’d heard Garrus whispering to Tali about fraternization regs, with a gleeful, mischievous grin, as they watched Shepard and Alenko argue. And damn, but both soldiers have seemed much happier the last few weeks. He wants to be sure though, and thankfully his lovely copilot would’ve been the first to catch wind of it.

EDI sits in her seat, sighing. _Probably thinking too much_ , he figures. _Reminds me of the Major, only with more attitude and less of a stick up her ass. Oh, and she’s much hotter. Can’t forget that._

“EDI… I need to ask you a question. It might be a tad, um, unethical to ask.”

“Jeff, if you believe a question is unethical, you realize I may not be willing to answer it.”

“Yeah, yeah. I might give you something worthwhile if you do, though.” He wiggles his eyebrows as EDI just stares.

“Ask your question, Mr. Moreau.”

_Goddammit EDI, stop calling me that. _He knows she only uses his full name when she’s particularly exasperated.__

__“Okay. Well, can you give me some… confirmation if it’s true at least?”_ _

__“Jeff, please just ask the question.”_ _

__“Okay.” He takes a deep breath. He doesn’t understand why this feels like such an inappropriate question to ask. The Commander would probably answer it if he asked him anyway. “Are the Commander and Major Alenko together?”_ _

__“Well, yes, of course.”_ _

__“What the shit, EDI? How come you didn’t tell me?”_ _

__“I assumed you knew. They have been together for over three weeks now.”_ _

__“Holy hell, I must have my head up my ass.”_ _

__“I am not familiar with this idiom. A quick check of my database informs me that you are being facetious.”_ _

__He makes a mocking face. “Just say I’m being a pain in the ass.”_ _

__“If you insist. You are being a pain in the ass.”_ _

__“Okay then. We have that squared away. So what’s up with them? How is this even working?”_ _

__“Well, while they don’t have sexual relations in a reproductive sense, they are both very skilled at bringing each other pleasure. Comparing their vocalizations and other physiological responses to what I know of human sexuality, it appears they are a good match for each other. For example, Shepard enjoys making the Major wait for permission to orgasm. It appears to make their love making more intense and is a novel way to provide higher neurotransmitter release.”_ _

__“… EDI, I didn’t mean literally, what the fuck.”_ _

__“I simply answered the question as it was asked.”_ _

__Joker groans. He knows he’s a bad influence on her, because that is most definitely a hint of mischief in her voice. “Holy shit, I should’ve just asked the Commander. I will never be able to get this conversation out of my head… and how am I going to look either of them straight in the face now? EDI, you just ruined my life!”_ _

__“I doubt that is the truth, Jeff. Various types of sexual relationships are normal for the human species; you yourself have taken a little bit of ‘rough play’ from me yourself. Inasmuch as you can, given your condition.”_ _

__Joker groans again. “I don’t even know what to say. This is… literally the worst thing ever.” But he smiles a little, too. He is happy for them._ _


	2. Liara

                

Liara watched the two men at the café. As the Shadow Broker, she had learned to be unobtrusively observant- she had to be, given her line of work. She was pretty sure that Kaidan was about to confess to Shepard how he felt… and that Shepard would confess right back to him.

 

               These two idiots had been playing at this since she’d met them. The thought gave her a strange mix of feelings. Happiness for them. Relief that she wouldn’t have to deal with their oblivious dancing around each other any longer, although she supposed there might be a… different kind of problem soon, depending on how discrete they chose to be. Sorrow, too, for what she and the commander might have had. She’d thought they had a special thing, though looking back, it was probably just hero worship on her part. He loved her, there was no doubt about that. It just wasn’t the kind of love she had wanted. What they actually had now was probably much better for her though- deep friendship, the kind that lasts. So she couldn’t complain too much.

 

               Shaking herself from such thoughts, she continued to watch the men. A small smile here, a gesture there. Finally, Kaidan reached out, tentative, to lay his hand on Shepard’s. She couldn’t see Kaidan’s face, but the slight upturning of Shepard’s lips, his self-conscious smile, became a new thing that she had never seen. It lit up his face. And even from here, across the Presidium, it seemed she could hear the quickening of their heartbeats, the shallowness of their breath.

 

               Finally.

 

             

 

               A few days later, back on the Normandy, she ran into the two of them in the mess hall. It was late, nearly midnight. Heads together, obviously stressing from the reports they were going over… but there was something else, a slight slackening of tension that spoke of contentment they hadn’t shown in a long time. Or ever, now that she thought about it. This job had never been an easy one.

 

               “Oh, I didn’t expect the two of you to still be up.”

 

               “Why not?” Shepard asked. “It’s not like either of us is known for sleeping very well these days.” He ran a hand over his tired face. Their leave had been wonderful, but now it was back to business.

 

               “Well, I just thought… hm. Nevermind.”

 

               Shepard looked up at her suspiciously, eyebrow raised. “Just thought what?”

 

               Liara decided she would get it out in the open. No use pretending. “I’m so happy you finally admitted how you felt to one another. It took long enough.”

 

               Their faces were shocked. Not like they were planning to hide their relationship forever, but really…? So quickly, people knew?

 

               And _it took long enough_? Shepard was going to have to examine that later.

 

               “How did you…?”

 

               She snorted. “I’m the Shadow Broker, don’t you remember? It’s my job to know these things.”

 

               They looked at each other. Kaidan’s face was an interesting shade of red, and it almost made her laugh.

 

               Sharing a secret with their eyes, they moved to leave. “I suppose that's a good point. Just… don’t go blabbering it to everyone. We don’t want it to be public just yet.”

 

               She glared. "Do you think the Shadow Broker tells secrets?" Shepard looked somewhat sheepish at that. “But I understand," she said in a softer voice. _This won’t last though, Shepard. The air practically crackles around you two. Goddess, it’s even worse than before._

 

               “Good night, Liara.” Shepard leaned in to kiss her cheek.

 

               As the two of them walked away, she heard Shepard mutter. “I can’t believe she already knows! She must be some kind of… genius, or something.”

 

 _No, you idiots. You’re really that obvious_. Smiling, she went to her quarters, humming a love song.


	3. James Vega

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which James Vega discovers he's a dirty slut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here be smut. You've been warned!

              Jimmy Vega settled into a comfortable position by his work station. Five days of leave, at least for the crew if not the commander, and they’d be leaving in two more. All the dancing and people-watching at Purgatory had gotten him hot and bothered, but he hated sleeping at the Alliance apartments, let alone jacking it there. This was home now, this cozy little spot in the shuttle bay.

               As he stroked himself, the image of Major Alenko dancing came to him, unbidden.

               _What the?-_

               It wasn’t like Vega hadn’t been attracted to men before; Vega was the kind of guy who was _down for whatever_ , as the saying went. Sexy was sexy. But the highest ranking officer on board?

               _The fuck, puta_ , he thought again.

               He couldn’t get the Major out of his head now, though. Those smooth hips, that fucking amazing ass that was all over the extranet… he sighed and let go his grip, too close already. _Shit_ , it’d been days, but he wanted it to last a little longer, at least.

               Just as he started toying with himself again, the elevator doors opened. Who the fuck would come back to the Normandy now, especially here? He’d seen Cortez walking up to the apartments, yawning. No way it was him. James was hidden behind his bench, sure that if he was quiet, he could probably surreptitiously put his clothes back on and pretend everything was normal, like he’d just been napping back here. He tried to sit up a bit, gently, but froze when he heard the commander and- _dammit_ \- Major Alenko in a somewhat heated exchange.

               Well, heated… in its own fashion, at least.

               “Shepard, you’re such an _ass_ ,” crooned that rough, seductive voice. Vega’s cock stood to attention right away. _At least you’re respecting your superior officer, eh? I’m definitely not._

               “Kaidan. You know damn well I’m the boss.”

               “You should let me be the boss once in a while. Not that I’m complaining, of course.” He could hear the smirk in Alenko’s voice, and then, _shit,_ he actually giggled. _What the fuck is going on right now? I must be dreaming because this shit is beyond loco_.

               “No, you’re not complaining, because you know you belong on your knees, Major.” Shepard growled that last word.

               Were they talking about what he thought they were talking about? If so… well, there was no way out of this one. It was too late. He’d have to stay hidden and see how this little conversation turned out. His face was hot wondering what that would be, and he swallowed nervously.

               Nevertheless, he leaned around the bench with care to see the two of them staring each other down in the center of the bay, Shepard with his signature I'm-not-budging cross-armed stance, Kaidan pacing a bit in front of him. Glaring, a little, but with this weird flush that made Vega’s skin prickle and his breath quicken.

               “I know why you brought me down here,” Shepard whispered. The words were pregnant. With promise, threat, tenderness… a mix of things Vega had never imagined his CO expressing. Shepard continued, “If you can pin me, I’ll let you fuck me. If you can’t? Well…” and Shepard’s eyes were glowing such a startling blue in the light, mischief dancing in them.

               Yes, this was really happening. Vega found himself pulling his standard-issue Alliance briefs down once more, slowly, every touch of its fabric on his skin making him shiver. _What the hell are you doing? Stop, get up, tell them you’re here! This is nuts!_ But he figured he might as well let himself relax and enjoy the show. He had a feeling things were going to get… interesting. The devil on his shoulder was winning this one. _Abuela, give me strength._

               Alenko growled deep in his throat, a sound that made him bite his tongue and taste blood, that made him want to taste other things, that made him sweat and almost groan. With an effort he silenced himself.

               The show started. Alenko lunged at his CO, lighting blue as he did so. _Well, that’s not fair, L2,_ Vega mused to himself. Shepard was ready for him though; Shepard was always ready for anything. He flared brilliantly, briefly, and the Major was thwarted by an unseen blast of… _something._ James knew jack shit about biotics. He preferred being a man of purely physical talents.

               The commanding officer showed his… apparent boyfriend… and his unseen watcher just why he was captain of the Normandy. He easily grabbed Kaidan and flipped him to the ground, even though that brilliant blue surrounding Kaidan must’ve stung something fierce when it met his own biotic barrier.

               Shepard chuckled. “Too much emotion. Calm down a little, maybe you’ll have a shot at it.” Shepard was obviously trolling the shit out of Kaidan, purposefully trying to get a rise out of him. He grinned, and the Major scowled back. But he let himself relax. Usually so meticulous, planning every move like a master tactician… this was the real Major. Maybe Shepard wouldn’t make such quick work of him, after all.

               Kaidan easily knocked the commander off of his body. They sparred. Alenko had a lot of muscle, and incredibly strong biotics to boot, but the commander was quick and deadly. Silently, he fought off Alenko’s attacks, bit by bit, then began to break down his defenses. Vega had never been able to get Alenko tired, let alone panting, when they sparred. Then again, he thought maybe the panting wasn’t all to do with the fighting.

              He had to admit, watching John Shepard move was something he was lucky to witness. On missions, he was James’ equal as a soldier, not to mention the way he and Alenko combo’d so many of their enemies into pieces. And other than that first biotic whatever-it-was, he didn’t use them, preferring to prove to Kaidan that he alone, without aid, could win. Even against biotics. Even against the larger man who danced so elegantly in front of him.

               Sensing his moment, John leaned forward, feinted to his right, and then moved hard left to catch the Major off balance. It was a move he probably could’ve fooled Vega with. He flipped his lover down, onto his back, and straddled him. Alenko’s hands were held above his head by one of Shepard’s own. Shepard’s other hand was around Kaidan’s muscly, thick neck, squeezing ever so slightly.

               “Give up?” he asked, soft and low, promising something dark, forbidden. Jimmy strained to hear.

               “Yes… yes, I give up.” Kaidan’s voice was strained under the weight of his CO.

               “You give up…” There was a tightening in John’s hand as he squeezed a little.

               “I give up, sir!”

               John chuckled and let up from Kaidan’s neck. “Good. Get up and take those clothes off, Major.”

               “Yes, sir,” Kaidan whispered back. Not just the sound of hunger there, maybe more like the starvation of a man fifteen days into a fast. Vega shivered. He’d managed to keep his hands off his cock, but this was too damn much. He grabbed the head, lightly moving his finger around the tip, spreading pre-come and trying not to go to town. _Abuela, forgive me for this,_ he thought.

               Shepard let his partner get up and sat, on his haunches, as Kaidan stripped. Piece by piece, the dull Alliance clothing was removed, then folded neatly and placed to the other side of the bay. Shepard shook his head and rolled his eyes. Military training was heard to break, but this neatness was so adorably _Kaidan_.

               Once down to his briefs, Alenko hesitated. Vega could see the tip of his cock peeking out of the top. How beautiful this man was. _Loco, you are one lucky bastard._ He had to remove his hand from between his legs once more.

               Shepard’s head tilted backwards and he crossed his arms over his chest again, giving Kaidan a warning look. Kaidan swallowed, blushing heavily, and removed his briefs in a dainty way, never looking the other man in the eye.

               He turned and added to the clothing pile- _mierde_ , that ass- and came back to stand at attention in front of John.

               John got up and walked around the Major, inspecting him. Kaidan was sweating and shaking a bit. This was obviously not the first time they’d done this, but he was nervous as shit anyway. _What is John gonna do to him?_ Vega’s mouth was dry. He forced himself away from his dick again… goddamn thing kept getting into his hands somehow. Pre-come slid messily down his pelvis and thighs. His balls were tight and probably turning a light purple. He was going to pay for this later.

               Kaidan Alenko, however, was going to pay for it now.

               Shepard, still fully clothed, stood in front of the Major, staring at him intently. Then he reached in, gently grabbed his chin, and forced him to meet his eyes. Vega could swear he saw a spark alight between them _. Like, a literal spark._ Shepard leaned in to gently kiss Kaidan’s lips. Both of their eyes were closed as they leaned into it. There was more than lust in this, it was clear to see. More shame ran through Vega, to see something so intimate, but there was nothing for it now. Hadn’t been for awhile, in fact.

               “Do you trust me, Kaidan?” John asked softly.

               Kaidan swallowed. “Yes, John. I trust you… sir.” A visible wave of pleasure ran through the Commander upon hearing his lover whisper his name.

               This rough/tender thing was too fucking much. Vega closed his eyes briefly. He’d never done anything too far outside of vanilla, so this was all new to him. He ached to be a part of it, not just the sex, but the belief in each other. It was obvious that Alenko must trust his Commander implicitly to allow him access to this most vulnerable part of himself. Especially since Alenko had such tight control over himself all the time.

              Again, the shame, but... _This shit is too fucking good_.

               “Good.” John echoed Vega’s thought, leaning in and kissing Kaidan’s nose, and it was adorable. “Kneel. And keep looking at me. Don’t go anywhere else. Stay here with me.”

               Kaidan did so, dropping down slowly, staring at his Commander with lust, love… awe. Vega had been forcing his eyes away from Alenko’s hard cock, but it bobbed between his legs, sticking straight up, as he made it to the ground. _I’m gonna die if I don’t get some water soon_ , thought Vega, trying unsuccessfully to swallow what little moisture his throat held.

               For a few drawn-out seconds, Kaidan and John stared at each other. The room crackled with the tension between them. Then John began to remove his clothing, slowly, sensually. The Major let out a long, slow breath, trembling. Vega looked to see his commander naked and drew a deep breath himself.

               He thought he was going to come right then and there.

 

               “Put your mouth on it, K,” Shepard breathed, and there was a hitch there now. Obviously he was in control of the situation, but control was relative. His head rolled back, and his eyes with them, as Kaidan began to work his dick. When Kaidan brought his hands up to steady the cock in his mouth, Shepard looked down at him, kindly. “No, K. No hands allowed, understood?” Kaidan looked up at him and nodded, whining a little as he fought to keep a rhythm with that magnificent cock.

               As they got into it, Shepard began to move more. It was slow at first, hands moving down to caress Kaidan’s head gently. But soon it was obvious he couldn’t bear it, as he grabbed a fistful of that gorgeous, raven-dark hair and forced Kaidan’s head down onto his cock. Until this point, the Major hadn’t been able to take the last few inches of John, but John would have none of that.

               “You’re not pulling back until your nose touches my belly, do you understand, Major?” He was losing control of his voice, breath thin and needy. Kaidan looked up to show he did, indeed, understand.

               “Fuck, Kaidan. You’re so amazing…”

               Vega had had enough. He started stroking himself in earnest. He couldn’t handle it anymore, seeing his CO and XO make love like this. Seeing this strong, commanding presence reduced to a puddle with puppy dog eyes only for Shepard… he’d never have guessed Alenko was a bottom. But here he was, and _what a bottom_. In more than one way. Vega’s chest heaved, wanting to laugh at the ridiculousness of that joke, at the absurdity of this entire fucking situation. Ha, the entire “fucking” situation. _Fucking stop it, Jimmy,_ he told himself.

               Shepard let up on Kaidan briefly, to give him an opportunity to breathe before he pushed him down. This time, Kaidan began to choke, pulling back and coughing. The Commander allowed him the interruption, but when it was over, he reached under the Major’s chin to look into his eyes once more.

               “Kaidan. I’ve got you. I know you can take it all. You want to take it all for me, don’t you?”

               A short breath, a tremble, a twitch between the Major’s legs. “Yes, sir, I do. I swear it, I love you so much, John. Let me show you.”

               John smiled down at his man, his beautiful biotic. “I love you, too, Kaidan. Always.”

               Vega just wanted this over, please let it be over. Oh, just let this end. It’s torture in so many ways.

               John leaned down and kissed Kaidan tenderly on the forehead, then stood up and offered his swollen dick to the Major again. “Just remember it’s about my pleasure. Just think of me coming in your throat, tasting me. You’re going to be good for me, aren’t you?”

               “Oh yes, sir,” Kaidan barely finished before he leaned forward and enthusiastically took John into his mouth once more. John sighed into it, letting Kaidan get his cock nice and wet before forcing it deep again. Watching, Vega held on for dear life, feeling too much blood rushing through him and convinced now that this must be a dream… a good one, a bad one, who fucking knew?

               He’d thought that John was rough with the Major before, but now that was blown out of the water entirely. His fingers were in the Major’s formerly immaculate hair, pushing him down onto himself, forcing Alenko to swallow all of him. This time, Kaidan looked up at his commander, and in contrast to the roughness of his actions, Shepard stared back at him lovingly.

               Fucking intense. No wonder it didn’t take long. Shepard’s hips moved erratically, his breath painful and hot, the muscles of his thighs slick with sweat. He started to whisper Kaidan’s name, in rhythm with every thrust. Kaidan let out a little moan of pleasure as Shepard began to come in his mouth, holding his lover’s head down onto him to make sure he swallowed all of it, all of him.

               And in the shelter of his bench, James Vega came with him.

 

               Shepard sat, cross-legged, on the hard floor of the bay. He gestured to Kaidan, inviting him to lie back into his arms. They sat that way for a bit, sighing contentedly, although both were still naked, and Kaidan was still semi-hard. He didn’t seem to mind.

               Vega, meanwhile, was having an existential crisis just feet from this display. _Oh, pendejo, you’ve gone and done it now. Fuck. No good soldier would have let himself watch that._ Heavy sheets of shame crushed him. His body was flushed and spent. He couldn’t believe he had done this. Should’ve just gotten up as soon as they came in. _Now what?_

               He lay there, arm across his eyes, and prayed that neither of the men noticed him. He prayed that it would be over soon

               “So, Shepard, are you ever going to bottom for me?” Kaidan’s voice was husky and sexy as ever.

               John Shepard sighed. “I will. Eventually. It’s just, well. You know I don’t like losing control.”

               “John,” sighed Kaidan. “You deserve to relax, too.” This was news to James- how being a bottom could be relaxing, he couldn’t quite grasp.

               John gave a soft, sad chuckle. He took one of Kaidan’s hands and kissed the palm, the wrist. “Thank you, K. Just let me get there, okay? Stay here with me,” he said again. Then his voice changed, becoming rough and dropping half an octave. “Besides,” he growled wickedly, “I’m pretty sure this is the best sex you’ve ever had. In fact, I think you said that to me word for word. So surely, you’re not complaining?” There was a grin in his voice.

               Kaidan did that giggle thing again, that delightful little noise that had James longing to hold him in his arms himself. _Never thought I’d hear the Major make that noise. God help me, I should not be here,_ he thought for the thousandth time.

               “I’m not complaining,” he said softly.

               “Sorry, I couldn’t hear you. I’m not complaining…”

               “I’m not complaining, sir.”

               “I’ll never get over hearing that from you. Especially your voice when you say it. Fuck, you’re amazing.”

               Kaidan was blushing, and his dick was standing to attention. “This is going to be awkward when I have to say it in front of people. You know, in another context, of course.”

               _Oh, Major, you have no idea_.

               “I can keep a secret if you can. Well, probably not for long. They’re going to figure it out.”

               _Oh, Commander, you also have no idea._

               Shepard had started running his hands along Alenko’s muscular body absently, though the Major was squirming a little. “Oh, do you want to come, Kaidan?” Shepard whispered into the other man’s ear.

               That tone, those words made Kaidan a writhing mess. He arched up and whimpered. “Yes, sir. Please, sir.” The words were croaking and thick with need.

               “Well, who am I to deny you?” There was a wicked smile in the Commander’s voice. They both stood up.

               _Oh, please God, please tell me they’re leaving, please tell me they’re fucking leaving…_

               “Why are we still down here instead of in your cabin?”

_That’s a good fucking question, Loco. Why are you?_

              “Hey, you’re the one who wanted to spar. Besides, we may not get the chance to do it outside of the cabin again, K. I thought you were smart. Keep up here.”

              “Pfft. Well in that case you should’ve just bent me over the galaxy map and went to town.”

              “Yeah, no. You’d probably set a course for some star system in the middle of nowhere, or accidentally called Admiral Hackett, and then where’d we be?” Kaidan snickered good-naturedly as they moved away from James.

               Mercifully, they called down the elevator. Vega sighed in relief… but he couldn’t imagine what would happen next time he saw them. He didn’t even want to think about it now.


	4. Javik

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In my cycle, we simply did not do that sort of thing...

               Javik had taken his first breath in 50,000 years, and what was the point? These primitives wouldn’t be able to do anything about the Reapers. Every single goddamned one of them was a mess. And these were the best this cycle had to offer!

               There was:

               A piglet who fancied himself a virile hog, reckless beyond compare, not even truly birthed. Grown in a _vat_ \- an experiment! The animalistic musk of him covered Javik’s quarters on the Normandy, and made him sick to his stomach if he thought about it too hard. He didn’t even need to deliberate about the genophage. If this “Grunt” creature was the ideal krogan, it sure wouldn’t pain him to see them die off.

               One of the overgrown lizards, believing he knew anything about science, when in fact his grasp of it was laughable. Even worse, did he want to cure the genophage or modify it? How could you not know if you wanted to doom a civilization to extinction? Seemed like a pretty “yes” or “no” kind of question, didn’t it?

               Some kind of suit creature or other; a quarian, so they told him. He wasn’t sure of much since he couldn’t really smell her. Although on second thought… no, don’t have a second thought about that.

               The turian sniper who was one of the few with a head for war, but chose to follow the commander instead of leading his own people. Men like that made Javik’s lip curl in disgust. Protect your own, first, if you’re capable of it. At least Shepard had his superior back at home base. The turians had no leader and the sniper would have been the perfect man for the job. What a coward.

               The thin-witted human who pushed himself physically to make up for a lack of… prospects… in other areas, no doubt. Men like him were as old as time itself, and always as annoying.

               Another human soldier who should’ve been shot years ago for the amount of pain he carried. It would have been a mercy killing. When it came down to it, would he be able to properly battle the reapers if his poor head hurt too much? Simply not good enough.

               And an AI. As a friend. It was almost like they forgot the whole reason they fought this war. And wasn’t the conflict already proving the Reapers’ point? No good could come of that, and if Shepard hadn’t been this cycle’s only pathetic hope, Javik would have wanted to throw him out the airlock.

               Speaking of the airlock. The Joker-pilot thought he was funny and clever, but all he did was make Javik sneer. A man so uncomfortable with his own thoughts he had to go and project his mental diarrhea onto everyone he met.

               Not to mention his girlfriend (?!) who was also the ship. Not creepy at all, no. Come to think of it, they were flying around… _in_ the pilot’s girlfriend. This crew would be a comedian’s best friend. It would have been funny if not for the whole war with the Reapers thing.

               The asari, a word that made him sneer every time he thought it. He couldn’t believe they’d managed to grow up from the little pups they had been and were now effectively running the galaxy. Her enthusiasm about what she'd "learned" was no help to her argument. No wonder these primitives were getting ready to become extinct.

               Around the ship sometimes, he could smell others. Humans that smelled of oily back alley deals. One that called to mind a noose of fat, red rope, and cinderblocks.

               And then there was Shepard. The strongest this cycle had to offer, their biggest hope of defeating the Reapers. He had an aura of leadership about him, Javik could grant him that. But one sniff of his companions after he’d reawakened had told him something utterly disturbing. This man mated with another male of his species, which meant he did not understand how to mate properly.

               And how could the galaxy be saved by someone who didn’t get that?

               Primitives.


	5. Hackett & Anderson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited this because I mistakenly put Anderson as "Captain Anderson." In my headcanon, John still thinks of him that way.

                Admirals Steven Hackett and David Anderson were in a meeting over vid-comm when the request went through. Anderson had set his omni-tool to alert him immediately with any news from the Normandy; this would mean something really important was up. Important enough to cut short his report to Hackett.

               “Admiral, I hate to cut this meeting short, but I’m getting a priority message from the Normandy.”

               “Huh. I haven’t received any messages myself, so it must just be directed towards you. Keep me in the loop if need be. Hackett out.”

               Hastily, Anderson moved to his makeshift quarters. The rural countryside of Canada was no place for a military camp, but the Reapers had left them no other options. He knew he was lucky to have even this much private space.

 

               Connecting the comm device to the right channel, he pinged the Normandy. Soon, John’s sharp blue eyes met his own. He looked good. Damn good, for what he’d been through. They both knew the end would be here soon, one way or another.

               John saluted. “Anderson.”

               “Shepard. I assume this is important enough to warrant ending a meeting with Admiral Hackett?”

               Sheepishly, John replied. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, in its own way, I suppose.” He did that _thing_ , that bad habit Anderson hated so much, rubbing his palm against his neck and looking away. _Too obvious a tell, son._ He was embarrassed or shy, which didn’t make much sense to Anderson.

               “I’ll be quick. I’m sending over an official change form, addressed directly to you and double encrypted. I know you aren’t in charge of doing this sort of thing, but I thought it best to keep this quiet, so I’m requesting that you input the information yourself.” He sighed. “I know you’ve probably figured this out a while ago, and I hope I’m not springing anything on you. Here’s the information.”

               Anderson glanced at the form displayed on his omni-tool.

 

               **_Change of Information: Alliance Navy_**

               _Name:_ Lieutenant Commander Shepard, John

               _Vessel:_ SSV Normandy SR-2

               _Request:_ Name: Lieutenant Commander Shepard-Alenko, John

               _Request:_ Marriage status: Married, _Spouse_ : Major Shepard-Alenko, Kaidan

               _Request:_ Emergency contact: Major Shepard-Alenko, Kaidan

               _Request_ : Next of kin designation: Major Shepard-Alenko, Kaidan

              

               _Well I’ll be goddamned,_ thought Anderson. He looked up to see apprehension warring with hope on the commander’s face. “John… I don’t know what to say. You know, when I took you under my wing after Mindoir, I could see there was something special about you. Not once have you let me down. If anybody in this damned cold universe deserves happiness, it’s you. Both of you.”

               A sigh of relief escaped Shepard’s lips. “Thank goodness. I thought you’d be happy for us, but you know… fraternization regs, especially for officers as high in the chain of command as we are…”

              “Nonsense. The two of you are effectively equal and are under council authority first and foremost anyway. Not to mention it’s the end of the world. No one’s going to give a damn about regs right now. If they do, they’ll have to answer to me.”

               “I’d appreciate it if you would take care of it yourself anyway, as long as it won’t take long. It’s stupid to take time out of the war effort for this, but… just in case, you know?” He sighed. “I hope it doesn’t come to needing next of kin information.”

               The sorrow in Shepard’s voice made Anderson wince. “Be assured I will take care of this, and have Major Alenko… Major Shepard-Alenko… pass his on to me as well. Believe it or not, this is important enough. At least it is to me.”

               Shepard nodded his thanks.

              “Oh, and one more thing, John.”

              “Sir?”

              “Congratulations, son.”

               Tears shone bright in Shepard’s eyes as he swallowed a lump in his throat. “Thank you, sir.”

 

 

              Hackett turned on the vid-comm, surprised to see Anderson again so soon. “Is everything alright with the Normandy, Admiral?”

             “Ah… yes, sir. Everything is more than alright.”

             The other Admiral raised his eyebrow but said nothing.

             “Do you remember that thing we talked about a while back? About a certain possible, ah, relationship?”

             Both eyebrows were raised now. “You mean, they made it official?”

             “They did indeed, sir.” The two men shared a comfortable moment of silence.

             “Well, clearly, they intend to keep this a secret, so I think we should honor that. Although I wish I could celebrate more openly, even in this damn war there are people who are going to shit bricks about it, if you’ll excuse the expression. But once the war is over, we’ll do it properly. I will extend them my congratulations myself. Hackett out.”

              

               “Commander, there is a call from Admiral Hackett in the comm room.”

               John groaned. It was 2300 ship time, and he needed to get some sleep. _I’m a goddamn hypocrite for thinking that, aren’t I_? he mused.

               He finished the lazy kisses he shared with his new husband, much to the other’s vocal disappointment. “Be right there, EDI.”

               “Admiral Hackett is also requesting Major Alenko on the call.”

               His heart sped up at that. They were both fairly sure fraternization charges were unlikely, but it wasn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility. Anderson certainly didn’t care, as he’d been like a father to John for the last fifteen years. But Admiral Hackett might.

               Kaidan met his eyes and shrugged. Some might consider him fatalistic in his acceptance of circumstances sometimes, but Shepard knew better. Especially when some of those circumstances involved him. The incident with Rannoch came to mind and he winced. Better not to think about that fight right now.

               “It’ll be what it is,” Kaidan said as they dressed. No time for Alliance standard, and besides that, the brass now knew the score. Civvies it was, he figured, as they moved into the elevator together.

 

              


	6. Garrus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the midst of some Talibrations, Garrus gets distracted...

           Garrus sat in the dark at what was apparently the coolest damn place in town, and wondered what the hell he was doing there. Some asari bartender had insisted that he go see this crazy ass comedy show called _The Rogue Elcor_. He had no idea what was going to happen, how in the hell could an elcor be a stand-up comedian? but the alcohol was flowing and that was good enough for him. Especially considering his tongue wasn’t exactly silver, and he’d need all of his wit tonight if he wanted to impress the ladies. Well, one particular lady, at least.

            Tali sat next to him, eyes sparkly under the helmet. She was drinking too, albeit at a much slower pace than him. Quarian biology was a crazy thing, a rather unfortunate thing really, but it did have its benefits. Such as a cheap date. All he’d need was some kind of… emergency port… as she called it, and a few dextro drinks. She’d be three sheets to the wind by the time the show started, and that was fine by him. His face softened- as much as a turian’s face could possibly soften, he supposed- whenever he looked at her. He wanted more than anything to take care of her, and that was not something he was used to feeling. He wanted her to feel free, to relax and have a good time, so this night was not to be wasted, shitty elcor comedian or no.

            Having pulled a few strings from his old C-sec pals, they were sitting pretty at stage left, watching everyone pile in. My, but this show was impressively popular. He’d dropped sixty credits apiece to get them in here, and that was discounted, so it better be damn good. There might be riots in the street if it wasn’t, at that cost.

            He could see the right set of box seats quite clearly from his vantage point, so when Kaidan and John showed up together and sat in the one straight across, there was no doubt about the couple’s identification. Unless both men had doppelgangers, which wouldn’t have surprised Garrus in the least at this point.

            And since this was billed as a show for couples, Garrus had to raise an eyebrow. _Well isn’t this interesting._

            Shepard left the theatre for a few minutes and Kaidan ordered drinks, looking relieved when they arrived, downing his whiskey in a manner Garrus could only define as _get-me-drunk-STAT._ They both noticed Shepard come back, fighting through the throng to make his way to his seat. Kaidan handed him his drink wordlessly, and seemed to have trouble meeting his eyes, fidgeting. Shepard smiled down at him with fondness as he sat. And that was awfully damn close to the man.

            _It looks like I’m getting at least one good show tonight._

            He glanced over at Tali. Should he point it out to her? Let her see it herself? Keep quiet and laugh privately? Hmm… but one look at Tali answered that question. Tali vas Normandy was drunk as a skunk, as the saying went. He pulled her head to rest against his shoulder and wrapped an arm around her.

           The lights settled down and the first comedian came on stage, a dark-skinned human male with a name like… Kinzie? Kenzel? The guy looked like he got in a fight with a light pole and then had his face smashed in with a freight train just for good measure. He was good, though- damn good, if Garrus had any idea of what was funny, of course. Did he? Shepard seemed to think so. And if Shepard agreed with something, Garrus would back him. Even if he thought major Alenko was hot. Sure, he’d still back that. The major did have a nice… carriage? Weapon loadout, that’s what it was.

            Turning his thoughts to said men, Garrus glanced over at their box. Sure enough, Alenko had moved his stool a bit closer to Shepard’s. While they were both watching the performance, they did seem distracted; Shepard smiling faintly and Kaidan with a healthy flush that hadn’t left his skin since they entered the place. Garrus thought it good for him, as the biotic always seemed unnaturally pale, almost as though he were bloodless. It amazed him when he saw Kaidan bleed such a dark, thick, pungently ruby fluid. Where on earth did he keep the stuff? Garrus still found himself mystified.

            And, while he knew biotic metabolism ran hot, it definitely didn’t run _that_ hot. Five drinks already? Could anyone say alcohol poisoning? Garrus definitely could. Al-co-hol poi-so-ning. There, he said it. And maybe, just maybe, he was a little drunk himself, since he was apparently talking to himself out loud.

            The second comedian came on, this time an asari with a mouth like Aria’s and the snooty carriage of Tevos herself. Funny, she was, but the attitude was too much for him. Like an officious little brat, and that type was a turn off for him, always. Nothing like his little lady at all, no. 

            Tali stirred next to him, shaking him from his thoughts. She’d been quiet most of the evening, and he suddenly realized he was a terrible date. Once she started hiccupping, however, he knew she had passed out drunk. The suit was cleansing the toxin from her blood, and had put her to sleep so she couldn’t imbibe more than she could handle. It was still shitty that she had to move or say something in order for him to pay attention. No wonder he never got asked out.

            “I’m fine,” she said to no one in particular, and then, getting her bearings, noticed that her head was on Garrus’ shoulder. She jumped like a Noverian tree frog, bringing to mind James’ nickname for her, and it was enough to make Garrus snicker, more than either comedian had this evening.

            “It’s okay, Tali. You were passed out. I was taking care of you, you see? You’re my date for the evening. Remember?”

            “Oh! Oh yes, of course. Now, where’s the emergency induction port…”

            “Are you sure you should be drinking more?” Garrus put on his best stern turian face, attempting to pull the pole further up his ass than usual. He had been going for stern, at least, but only ended up with amused.

            “Of course I can handle more! The suit, remember? Really, I’m having so much fun…” she trailed off.

            “Up to you, babe. Have some more if you like, but try to watch the show. The main act is coming up. Plus I’d like you to, you know, enjoy my company a little.”

            “Garrus, don’t be silly. You’re giving me a safe place to relax. I can’t wait to snuggle with you later,” she added, whispering as close to his ear as her helmet would allow. He laughed good-naturedly and called the waiter over.

            “ _Suit_ yourself,” he whispered back. He couldn’t see, obviously, but he thought maybe Tali smiled at the bad pun.

            Well, at least one person thought he was funny. Two if you counted John.

            Oh, right, John. He looked over at the couple- at this point he was almost certain that’s what they were- and yep, he was right. The stage hands were preparing for the elcor, the house was rowdy since everyone was now plastered, and John Shepard and Kaidan Alenko were sharing their first kiss in the darkness of their little hidey-hole. It was a soft, sensual thing, like he thought he could see butterflies hovering over them, and Garrus suddenly felt ashamed for staring. He looked away, content to give them their moment of privacy.

            It was time for the elcor now, and he pulled Tali in closer, wishing he could have a moment like that with her. Well, he could technically. In private. With lots of antibiotics and scrubbing. No fair; if he’d had a thing for squishy pale humans with black holes where they kept blood, he could be stirring it up right then.

            When the elcor came out, Garrus couldn’t help but stare at the… thing. Were they male? Did they have any females? He couldn’t remember in his drunken haze. It was wearing a gaudy mess of string and sparkles- string and bling, he thought, figuring he should also be a comedian, yes yes he should- and looking like there was a leather jockstrap? of some sort around its… special… area. Most of the audience was responding similarly. Maybe the idea was to get everyone completely shitfaced first? And then bring out the final act? Were the drinks spiked with something? Garrus frowned down at his. No, no, they wouldn’t do that, would they?

            The first few jokes fell flat. Something about a hanar and some string cheese… huh? But then the jokes got more raunchy, and despite himself, Garrus found himself giggling hysterically. He still wasn’t certain if they had spiked the drinks or not, but at this point, he didn’t care. This _was_ the best damn show in town!

            The crazy elcor started heckling the crowd then, and interrupted- guess who- in the middle of something that seemed decidedly scandalous. At least it seemed that way to Garrus, who wasn’t _that_ drunk, considering each had a hand under the table and their faces saying quite clearly they’d been caught with them in the cookie jar. Whoa, _too much information_ , maybe.

            Kaidan was bright red- _ah, so there’s all the blood_ \- but Shepard was smiling and fielding the elcor’s innuendos gracefully, as only commander Shepard could do. The two had to be aware that there might be consequences if their budding love affair were discovered, but he’d be damned if they weren’t going to pull off a cover-up here. Shepard had smoothly moved away from Kaidan, despite the spotlight on their box, and the major’s fire-red complexion could easily be explained by the lewd nature of the elcor’s words.

            Once the elcor had moved on, Garrus kept watching them. The look they shared spoke volumes, something along the lines of _I’m getting you in private and tearing off your clothes as soon as this idiot is done._ Stand-up comedians were a lot of fun, he figured, but nothing brought a smile to Garrus’ face like his friends.

            But of course that meant they’d go back to the Normandy, and he didn’t want to be anywhere near that particular storm. He knew little about John’s love life, but from what he did know, it was pretty… intense. Meaning he and Tali would just have to wait. _Aaaaaaand there’s Mr. Frowny Face. Dammit._


	7. Tali

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tali starts to learn stuff and things...

            It was so late when Tali left Garrus’ little nook, the home of all his infamous calibrations. She wondered if he knew the crew made fun of him for that behind his back. Probably; Garrus wasn’t stupid. But keelah! could the man talk! She’d learned more of turians tonight than she ever had in school, and her schooling had been extensive indeed. So it was that at 0300 ship time, she stumbled into the mess, grabbing for a dextro protein bar, planning to head down to her cubby in engineering for some much-needed sleep.

            Which was how she also stumbled upon her CO and XO in the throes of what, her exhausted mind hysterically supplied, could only be called “ _going to pound town on the fuck truck._ ” And that little phrase she was squarely going to blame on Garrus Vakarian. The giggle that escaped her at such a rude thought would surely alert them to her presence, wouldn’t it? She gave a silent prayer that they wouldn’t notice her spying… because she’d just noticed herself spying. Sex wasn’t her forte, having never actually done it before, so this was. Well. This was fascinating.

            In a purely scientific sense, of course. Purely scientific, yes.

            They were… wow. Really getting into it. No one could’ve seen it, of course, but she felt her skin flushing as she watched. The sex wasn’t exactly pretty, but there was no denying the heat pooling in her center, and that seemed strange. Shouldn’t the sight be more exciting in an… obvious way? She thought about asking Garrus, but then that really heated her up, and she shut that down before it could grow legs and walk.

            Feeling rather naughty, a little ashamed, a dash clinically curious and a dash more than she’d like to admit turned on, she bent down by the wall, leaned out, and watched them fuck. They were trying to be quiet, but she could hear some of their words.

            “Sssss, fuck, John….”

            “Stop talking, major. That’s an order.”

            “Y… yessir….”

            Then groans, some that sounded almost painful, which was understandable considering John was- might as well keep up the metaphor- _going to town._  Oh, she had to stop hanging out with him so much, that potty mouth was going to get her in trouble some day! John was _going to town_ on Kaidan’s ass. There was no “lovemaking” here that she could see. It was raw, animalistic need. And while she definitely wanted… something like this… she didn’t want Garrus _going to town_ on her. Not quite. 

            And yeah, with a start she realized it was going to be Garrus, had to be her Garrus, that would be her first.

            Well, this was an evening of revelations, then. A few more than she’d counted on. She looked back to notice John had flipped Kaidan over and was now tightly hugging the base of his penis with his hand while the other man looked up at him with wide, pleading eyes.

            Yes. Quite a few more.

            She figured she’d way overstayed her welcome, so she started to slink off before the thought occurred to her.           

_Keelah, everybody has to eat on that surface!_


	8. Steve

“Alright. We have a lot less information than we’re used to working with. Let’s go over what we’ve got. Intel suggests this is a Cerberus facility. It appears to be a scientific base, so we aren’t expecting much in the way of combat. Let’s hope,” Shepard added. Steve couldn’t help but nod along in the pilot’s chair, even though he wasn’t technically part of the conversation. “Best case scenario, the place is abandoned, but we need to be ready anyway. Let’s plan for what we’re used to seeing from these guys; that means basic security at the very least. I want any hostiles cleared quickly. In and out in a flash, if we can. Kaidan, were you able to glean anything from the portfolio Hackett sent you?”

“Yeah, actually. I think they might be investigating a new genetic engineering technique, though I’m sure I don’t want to know specifics.” Kaidan sighed. “Hackett thought there might be an informant from the Alliance in the middle of all this. I haven’t been able to figure where that’d fit in or what the implications are, and he didn’t give me anything else to go on, so that’s my priority. Be on the lookout for anything unusual, though I guess that goes without saying when it comes to Cerberus.”

“How long has it been since you’ve hacked a Cerberus operation?”

“Are you asking whether I can do it?” It had been awhile since Kaidan had dealt with Cerberus tech, considering he’d only recently rejoined the Normandy and the infamous Shadow Broker had dealt with things on Mars. His words were bristly, but Steve wasn’t sure the tone matched.

“Not at all, Major. I have no doubt you could hack God’s own computer terminal.” Shepard sounded amused.

“Now I think you’re just trying to butter me up.”

“Is that so. I’m pretty sure there are better ways to _butter you up_ , Major.”

Well that was an awfully flirtatious thing for the Commander to say, wasn’t it? He glanced back briefly and noted that Vega looked embarrassed. He was usually rearing to go in situations like this. As he’d put it, there was nothing quite like beating the living shit out of some Cerberus thugs. It must be this conversation, though that didn’t explain the obvious depth of his discomfort. So what was up?

Vega cleared his throat. “Sir. Would you like me on point for this one? I’m ready to beat these assholes to hell and back. I’ve had enough of Cerberus scum.” Steve thought the Lieutenant would spit for a moment. He still looked uncomfortable, though.

“Okay, James. You’re up then. Alenko’s going to need someone to watch his back once we get in there and get everything cleared. Tali mentioned she had a hell of a time getting into their systems at the last facility. I want him to be able to entirely focus on that if need be. I’m on babysitting duty. Hoping to save a scientist this time around, if they’re still here. I mean, at least one,” he added dryly. Steve knew that failure still smarted, but Shepard had been pretty convinced those men were indoctrinated. Hopefully they wouldn’t find that here.

The shuttle landed. “I’ll be waiting on standby, Commander.”

“Copy that, Cortez.”

Now to settle in and wait for orders.

 

The mood was decidedly different when Steve picked them up. Vega looked positively freaked. Shepard’s face was pinched, making him seem years older. Kaidan, though… he’d never seen the man so pale. Like someone who’d seen a ghost or three. The Major’s emotional expression was often very reserved; it was rare that Steve was able to figure what he was thinking or even feeling.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Shepard answered. “The facility was a scientific base, like we figured. What we found was a little concerning, that’s all.”

“More than usual?”

“In a way, yeah.”

That’s all Shepard seemed inclined to say on the matter, and Steve figured he’d be filled in on whatever was necessary in the post-mission brief. Alenko’s face was still disquieting. He made a mental note to check up on him later.

As they settled in on the Normandy, the ground team disembarked and he started to go through the normal post-flight system checks. It was mostly out of habit. There wouldn’t be anything wrong with the Kodiak considering it hadn’t seen any enemy fire, but even on missions like this one, it’d become a comforting part of his routine. Something he could control when the thoughts of Robert crept in too close.

It was unfortunate for Cortez that scent was so closely tied to memory, because sometimes the interior of the bay had that dusty garage smell. It reminded him of their home, and Robert’s love of vintage automobiles. He could see that damned 1957 Ford Thunderbird clear as day when he closed his eyes. He’d always thought the bright red paint job Robert used was tasteless, but if it was good enough for his husband, it was good enough for him. Hell, he’d thought the entire thing silly, considering the car probably had every part replaced three times over by now. A modern Ship of Theseus. Seeing how happy it made Robert, though…

Glancing down at the helmet in his hands, he realized he’d been holding it for a few minutes now, lost in thoughts of Robert. It’d been awhile since that had happened. He shook it off, and climbed out of the shuttle.

Vega was gone, having stripped out of his armor quickly, probably in search of grub. It was close to dinnertime. Steve’s stomach rumbled its agreement with that assessment. Shepard was in his under-armour, ready to go, but waiting for Kaidan, who seemed sluggish. The Commander looked as concerned as Steve felt.

Steve wanted to go over and ask if there was anything he could do. As he watched the two men, though, it seemed that would be intrusive somehow, though that didn’t make much sense. It wasn’t like Shepard encouraged shutting yourself off from other members of the crew; quite the opposite, in fact.                

He was busying himself at the requisitions terminal, remembering that there was a kinetic barrier mod for the Kodiak that had looked interesting, when he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Shepard had put an arm around Major Alenko’s neck and pulled him close. He glanced around, unsure what to think. Of course he knew they’d been good friends back on the SR-1 and seemed to have a solid relationship since Kaidan had rejoined the crew, but that feeling of trespassing on a truly intimate moment didn’t leave him. Trying not to be nosy about the situation, he decided to scoot behind the bench to give them their space. Had they forgotten they weren’t alone?

As Steve was moving, Kaidan finally succeeded in pulling off the remainder of his gear… and then, unbelievably, Shepard pulled him in close again and kissed him. A comforting kiss, not one of passion by any means… but it lingered.

So it was true. Shepard and Kaidan had more than just a professional relationship.

As far as Steve Cortez was concerned, that was the best thing he’d heard in a long time. Everybody needed something to live for these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There may be teasers for future stories in this chapter...


	9. Karin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The good doctor learns more than she ever wanted to know...

**Huerta Memorial Hospital**

Karin Chakwas heard Kaidan had been hurt and arrived to Huerta just as fast as possible. No lab work was worth one of her own.

When she got to the hospital, Dr. Michel had done everything she could. Surprisingly, considering the circumstances, the Major was in reasonably good shape. They figured he’d make a full recovery, assuming he woke up from the coma- there was the rub, though that looked promising too. Most importantly, the implant hadn’t been messed up, at least as far as they could tell. She found herself wishing for the millionth time that he would consider upgrading to an L3, but there was no point in arguing with the man. Stubborn as Shepard, he was.

She stayed with Dr. Michel for the remainder of the day; it wasn’t like help would go unappreciated with all the refugees filing in. Business was good if you were a doctor in these trying times, and that was a sorry thing.

The next morning she walked in on Shepard talking to the still unconscious Kaidan. He didn’t notice her, having eyes only for his former crewmate and friend. She moved back to give him some space but watched closely for a few minutes. Her imagination had probably been running wild back on the SR-1, given how insane a time that had been, but there were moments here and there where she thought maybe Kaidan and Shepard were more than just good friends. Maybe that had been close to the truth. She didn’t know for certain, but the commander didn’t take his eyes off of Major Alenko for a single second while she watched. She let them be.

 

**Normandy SR-2 Med Bay**

Kaidan came to Karin in the evening cycle of the ship just two nights after the attempted coup, and she recognized the signs of a migraine immediately. Thankfully it was in the earlier stages, so she might be able to do something about it. He had a bad habit of fighting the pain by himself, which called to mind earlier thoughts on his stubborn nature. It wasn’t like she didn’t understand that Kaidan wanted to be someone who took care of himself and didn’t need to be babysat, as he'd once put it, but the pure idiocy of the man drove her mad some days. There was a small window of time in which traditional medicine could help; after that, all that the med bay could offer was a still and silent room where he could sleep it off.

His face was getting that waxy appearance, growing deathly pale with his eyes wrinkling in the too-bright light of the ship.

“Come lie down, Major. I’ll give you your injection and you can rest here this evening.”

“No, that’s okay. I just need a _\- ssss-_ pill and some of that nasty juice the doc at Huerta gave you and I’ll be on my way.”

“Nonsense, Kaidan. It’ll only get worse, even in the observation lounge. This is the quietest place on the ship. You know all this, and if you weren’t having a migraine I’d smack you around because you are being an ass. Now doctor’s orders. Lie down and get comfortable.”

Kaidan smiled sheepishly. “Guess I can’t disobey if it’s doctor’s orders. All right, you’ve convinced me.”

Kaidan tried to get her to stop acting like a mother hen so much, assuring her he could make his way to the bed by himself just fine, but in truth she was making sure he took her seriously. She didn’t make it a habit of letting her patients sass her as much as this one did, and he was sure as hell going to learn exactly who ran this med bay.

Just as the biotic got settled in the far bed, the hydraulics hissed and Shepard walked in, seemingly nonchalant until he saw Kaidan in obvious pain. Then his demeanor changed completely.

“Hey, are you okay?” John walked right past the doctor, who rolled her eyes.

“I’m fine. It’s just a small headache,” Kaidan said, but winced at the sounds Shepard’s boots made on the cool tile floor.

“I know when you’re lying, Alenko. It’s not a small headache, it’s a migraine. Doc, make sure he stays here tonight. We’ve got an assignment tomorrow that I want him on and he needs to be up for it.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him, Commander. I’m doing fine by the way.”

Shepard glanced at her, pulling his eyes away from Kaidan. He rubbed his neck with one hand, that habit he'd definitely picked up from Kaidan, and Chakwas noticed that he wasn’t in the best shape himself. She gave him a look. Not _a_ look, _the_ look.

It was Shepard’s turn to be sheepish. “Yeah, okay, you don’t have to say it. No I haven’t eaten all day, yes I’m getting food now, yes I’m going to sleep in the next hour and I promise I’ll do my best to get a full night’s rest. Happy, mom?”

Dr. Chakwas shook her head. “What is it with you? Both of you, such attitude! You know I’m here to keep an eye on you. The galaxy is counting on you, Commander, and it’s my job to make sure you’re going to be able to do _your_ jobs. The whole crew. That includes its XO and CO.” She moved to the side as Kaidan groaned by the far wall, lowering her voice and completely turning off the lights.

Shepard was looking in his direction again, nodding absently at Dr. Chakwas, and she figured she’d done all she could tonight to get either of them to listen. Karin threw up her hands and moved towards the door. Shepard made a bee-line straight for the Major. He tip-toed carefully around the bed and began murmuring softly. She shook her head. _Real subtle, Commander_.

**Normandy SR-2, crew quarters**

Karin was settled in for the evening and laughing at herself a bit. It was 2000 and she was the only one in a bed. Not even the officers from early shift were bunked up yet. Must be getting old. _Oh well,_ she figured. _Happens to the best of us._

Just as she was nodding off, the door opened, and she glanced over sleepily, squinting. With the lights out in the crew quarters, it would be difficult for someone to make out her shape. The room would seem empty.

The door hissed closed and she made out the forms of Commander Shepard and Major Alenko. They were headed towards Kaidan’s bunk, only one removed from her own. Both men sat on it.

“It’s only been a week, John. You sure you want me to move?”

“Never been more sure of anything, K.” They spoke softly in the room, even though they clearly believed they were alone.

“Nice sentiment, but… I don’t want to rush this.” Karin’s eyes were adjusting back to the gloom, so she saw the Commander cock his head sideways, incredulous.

“I fucked you senseless not twelve hours after we started a relationship.” Her eyes widened at that, and she couldn’t help a grin from spreading… despite the fact that she’d never be able to unhear it, much to her dismay.

“What’s your point?”

“What’s my…  Kaidan, are you kidding? You are, right?”

“Yeah yeah, end of the world, all that. I know. I’m not ready for everyone to know yet, though.”

Chakwas nearly revealed herself by chortling. Their secret was safe with her, of course, but clearly not with them themselves if this conversation was anything to go by. _Not exactly watching their six,_ she thought dryly.

“How many times do I have to tell you nobody is paying attention? Besides, you hardly sleep in here anyway. Nobody’s going to go into the Observation Lounge to make sure you’re in there every night. If it worries you that much, spend an occasional evening down here.”

"I don't want to leave you by yourself to sleep, though. Not with the nightmares."

Shepard sighed, exasperated. "Get your stuff and let's get out of here."

“Okay, but if people figure it out, it’s your fault. Tell EDI to keep it quiet, too.”

“I will, just get your ass packed.” The men stared at each other for a few seconds and then laughed. _Might as well be t_ _eenagers._ “Don’t worry, I’ll handle that part for you.”

Karin shut her eyes tight as Shepard leaned in and began kissing the Major. Suddenly she hoped they’d leave soon before this display got any more M-rated. If she didn’t want to hear it, she definitely didn’t want to see it.

“I get your point,” Kaidan said, breathless. “I’ll take care of all this, the few things I have. You distract whoever’s out there.”

“Kaidan… it’s like five steps to the lift. Just go already.”

“Yeah, okay.”

The men quickly finished getting Kaidan’s things together and left, leaving a thirty second interval between them. She sighed in relief when they were finally gone. _Guess I was right in trusting my instincts. Older… and wiser._ She smiled.


	10. Traynor

“Why are you so keen on getting drunk this quickly, Vega? You can’t play poker trashed.”

“You get stumbling drunk every time!”

“Yeah, I said YOU can’t.”

“If I recall correctly, Miss Traynor, I’ve never come out at a loss after playing poker with you. Not even drunk.”

“I think it’s cute you forget what happens when you’re shitfaced, Lieutenant.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes forgetting ain’t so bad.”

“Hmm. You know a statement like that is going to require some explanation.”

“Oh no, Traynor, you’re not playing psychologist with me. I only let someone do that if they’re gonna put out.”

“I don’t need to play shrink. You know you can’t keep secrets, Jimmy. Especially not when you’ve been drinking! It always comes out somehow.”

“This ain’t.”

 _“_ Alright. I have an idea, then.”

“You don’t have anything strong enough to offer me, Traynor, trust me on that.”

“We’ll see about that. I’ll make you a bet you can’t refuse.”

“…”

“If I come out on top tonight, you tell me your little secret. Don’t just stare at me like that.”

“What are you offering me, eh?”

“Oh, you’re getting into it, I see. So predictable.”

“You know what I’m after. I’m a man of simple desires.”

“Fine. If you win the night, I’ll do a one on one strip tease. Hands off, but I’ll make it worth your while. Cross my heart.”

“Full nudity?”

“Full nudity.”

“Like I get to see it all. Every nook and cranny you’ve got hiding under those boring Alliance clothes.”

“Don’t push your luck, Jimmy. I’ll make it worth your while. You know I’m good for it.”

“Alright. You’re on.”

 

Comm specialist Samantha Traynor was right about one thing. James Vega couldn’t hold a secret. Probably not while sober, and definitely not while drunk.

She lost to him at poker, in a rather horrific stomping, and had to put her all into a strip tease just as she’d promised she would. But it was totally, absolutely, 100% worth every second of it for the juicy story she pulled out of him in his drunken haze. She must’ve laughed for about an hour while Vega scowled at her, which was even better.

And damn good thing it was him who was traumatized by the event instead of her.

All in all, she got the better part of the deal by far.


	11. Scuttlebutt

Miranda has always had a sneaking suspicion that John Shepard is in love with Kaidan Alenko. After all, she’d reviewed the intel from the SR-1. More importantly, she was on Horizon. It doesn’t take a genius.

Of course she still has informants on the Normandy, though it’s for her own intelligence and not for the Illusive Man any longer, rot him. It takes two days after their mini shore leave before she is aware they’ve finally gotten down to it. It’s about damn time.

She remembers thinking that a gloating party would be in order if Shepard ever admitted how he felt. He wanted to play that close to the vest and Miranda is nothing if not nosy and damn good at being nosy to boot. Now she finds that her reaction to the news is joy. She muses how much Shepard has changed her outlook on life for the better. The Lazarus Project had been worth every penny, but definitely not in the way they’d imagined it would be at the time.

 

News travels fast along certain channels, and it isn’t long before she reaches out to Jacob. He’s ecstatic and a little surprised. His life has changed for the better because of Shepard, too. He is looking forward to toasting the new couple next time they see each other. Jacob knows the gravity of John Shepard in the best way, and this gives him hope the war can be won. The one thing the man had been missing was companionship- the right kind of companionship- and now that he has it the universe is better off.

 

Jack is shocked that Miranda reaches out to her, but the shock of that is quickly replaced by a different kind. Shepard is gay? John Shepard. Is gay? What in the holy hell happened to _her_ radar? Time in cryogenic storage must have really thrown her off. She’s going to tease the man relentlessly as soon as she gets the chance to. Unfortunately this also means she’ll have to thank the Cerberus cheerleader, so she heads off to get drunk.

 

Kasumi is the best voyeur in existence and keeps better tabs on Shepard than anyone else save the Shadow Broker herself. She knows before the couple leaves Apollo’s on their first date, and is nearly tired of getting the news from her informants by the time she can congratulate them. Obviously, she’s keeping an eye out for the couple to return to the Citadel. Sex doesn’t watch itself, after all.

 

Wrex learns of the relationship while a volus delivers pizza. He’s happy to see Shepard and Kaidan working together again, and John explains it’s more than a professional relationship. It’s the only person Shepard willingly tells and Wrex feels honored to be considered that great a friend. A clan mate, really; John Shepard is honorary Urdknot, after all, and that is not a privilege given lightly.

 

Aria discovers after Omega has been retaken. Shepard’s held up his end of the bargain, and she’ll hold up her own. Truthfully, it’s not enough of a payment considering all three gangs are just thugs at the end of the day- useful but only to a certain extent. So she offers him a rare gift, and is surprisingly hurt when he turns her down. When the explanation is given, she stares in surprise at discovering the man is gay. She’d have never pegged it, but now here it is, and she finds herself happy for them, even if the man’s mate is not her type in any fashion whatsoever.

Though she’s a bit mad at herself for missing the information; surely it’d been there for her had she been paying any goddamn attention. More so because missing signals like that was for amateurs. She supposes the whole Cerberus stealing Omega thing was enough of a distraction, and chooses to blame it on that.

 

Shepard has no idea that Garrus kept in close contact with Zaeed through John’s incarceration, and Garrus places a bet with Tali whether or not the man has figured out that John is gay. Zaeed’s own homosexuality is Garrus’ secret to keep and he is interested in knowing if this “gaydar” thing is real. As it turns out, Zaeed is as floored as Garrus supposed he’d be, and Tali now owes him several drinks, a fact which suits him perfectly fine.

 

Samara isn’t in contact with the Normandy on a regular basis but just a few moments with them at the monastery is enough to see it. A thousand years of life have taught her nothing if not how to master the art of centering herself, as well as recognizing the center in others. John’s center is Kaidan, and Kaidan’s is John. No other explanations are needed.

 

So it is that the remainder of their friends figure it out well before either are ready to tell them… except one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do realize that just because Shepard is in a relationship with a man, that doesn't mean he's gay instead of bi- or pan-. My thought is that nobody has ever known him to be with a female (or feminine appearing alien), not to mention he's turned down most of the crew by now, so they assume he's gay.


	12. Grunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grunt gets a lecture he never wanted.

“I know you’re all excited to get the party started, but there’s two things I want to say before we do that. Settle down, Jack, it’ll be quick. The first is simple. You are the greatest crew I could have asked for. The Reapers would have already won if it hadn’t been for you- every single person here, as well as a few who aren’t. My back would be broken ten times over if I hadn’t had your support, too.” Kaidan is proud of him, as it’s a rare thing for John to admit such vulnerability. “I couldn’t have led you as well as I did without your utter faith in me to get the job done, and none of you have received the thanks you deserve. So I raise a toast to the crew of the Normandy, old and new. This night is for you. My friends. My family.”

            The room is bright and still. Everybody drinks to that. The concoctions range from Earth rum to Asari wine as well as special versions of the favored drinks of their dextro friends. It’s a night to go all out, so some of the drinks are expensive. At that thought, Kaidan frowns in the direction of Wrex. Top shelf ryncol. He is going to have to watch John closely after finding out that he’s had it before. Kaidan had nearly killed him when he found out.

            The second part of John’s speech is about to come up, and now Kaidan is fidgeting. He swallows heavily, hoping his face isn’t already giving everything away. They’d both agreed that John should be the one to say it.

            There’d been a celebratory commotion after the toast, but now people are settling down for the second half… and a few are finishing their glasses. John and Kaidan glance at each other, exchanging soft smiles. Kaidan breathes deep, putting on his best “I know nothing” face.

            “Second,” and even Shepard has to clear his throat now, “There’s something I- _we_ \- want to tell you guys.” Kaidan watches as John closes his eyes for a moment, then opens those clear, diamond orbs to the room. “Major Alenko and I are in a relationship… and in love.”

             Both men are shocked that there is only one surprised reaction in the entire room.

            Grunt.

            “WHAT?!” he yells. Then he glances down into his glass of jet fuel suspiciously, as though he might be drunk enough to hallucinate. “But that’s impossible!” All 21 sets of eyes are trained on the krogan. Some of their friends are laughing, some just shaking their heads, and there are a couple who are blushing. Vega is staring intently at his lap. Karin’s face is pink, too.

            Kaidan and John give each other confused looks. Why in the hell aren’t they all surprised? The only two who should know are Liara and Wrex. And probably Kasumi, of course. Nobody’s even looking at them.

            Grunt is still shouting. “How can they even do that? There’s no parts that fit!” Now everyone is definitely laughing. Except the two of them, and Vega, who is still looking down.

            “What?! Am I the butt of some big joke or something?”

            Finally, Samara takes pity on him. “I suppose the knowledge implanted in you did not include human mating habits, or at least not all of them.” She smiles, quite radiant, looking like a queen. Kaidan is awestruck by her beauty. “I will explain it to you if you wish.”

            Grunt stares suspiciously but then mutters his assent. Samara moves next to him. Some people are still snickering as she whispers in his ear. Jack is cackling like a mad woman; Kaidan would think her drunk already if it hadn’t been for the fact that she has a biotic’s metabolism… that and because she’s Jack.

            Shepard is still standing at the front of the room, and he clears his throat again. Everyone except the teacher/ student pair looks back at him. “So… why is there no surprise at this? Did I miss something?”

            They all look at each other in disbelief. Joker speaks up. “You didn’t really think you were being that stealthy, did you?”

            “You know engineering is a wee bit small for your lovely vocals, don’t you man?” Kaidan glares at Ken, blush starting to creep up his cheeks.

            Surprisingly, Karin adds, “Major Alenko moved into the captain’s cabin a week after your date, after all.”

            Kaidan turns fire-engine red at that. There’s only one way she can possibly have that knowledge, considering she didn’t have access to the kind of resources the Shadow Broker or Kasumi would have. At least her blush, still present, suggests that he’s right. He remembers that Shepard had mentioned… fucking him senseless, if he’s recalling correctly. _Oh god I’m going to die right now. Please let me die._

            And that doesn’t even take into consideration what Kasumi might know about them… or why Vega still wouldn’t make eye contact.

            He sighs. One way or the other, the cat’s out of the bag. Everyone is staring at the two men in amusement… except for Grunt, who is looking more and more dismayed by the minute. Kaidan doesn’t know what is taking Samara so long, the mechanics of it being pretty simple, but who knows what Grunt does or does not understand about human biology?

            _Fuck it,_ he thinks, and stands up, grabbing John’s hand.

            “To us!”

            “To us,” John murmurs back. Suddenly, their eyes are only for each other, even as in the background their friends toast them and start the celebration in earnest. Before he knows it, Shepard’s lips are on his, tongue begging entrance, and as always Kaidan obliges him. They’re lost in the kiss for several moments, bodies pressed tightly against each other, until Grunt lets out a horrified howl.

            “But that’s… that’s where they… ah, _shit_ , I didn’t need to know that!” Then he realizes what he’s just said, mutters incoherently, and downs his ryncol in one go.


End file.
